I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
