Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
