Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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