So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
