i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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