dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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