I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
