textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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