Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
