If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
