nut hugger
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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