WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
