I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
