i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
