Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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