Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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