3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
