Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
