I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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