Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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