Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
