At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i already hear my dad disowning me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Never underestimate the power of titties
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize