He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
