Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
