Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize