She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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