i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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