If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
