I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
