I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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