I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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