At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
