You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
