im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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