Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
