Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
