I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
