half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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