you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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