Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
