No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
