we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
