your parents love me but you hate me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize