How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
