The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
