you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
