We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
