Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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