U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
