worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
