xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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