I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
