cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
