I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
