Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
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