dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
