White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
