i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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