OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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