help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is the high leading the old right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize