made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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