How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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